Baggage Claim

A man was making breakfast for a set of breasts. He rarely cooks, especially when the sun is shining and is sure to give him a headache. He usually eats toast. But these were special breasts. They had stirred him from a deep sleep with a gentle song and he was pleased to have them hanging around while he cracked some eggs. He kept one eye on them and one on the stove. The breasts were full with hunger. The bright nipples were there too, resting on the kitchen table like little chins. When everything was ready he set the table and apologized about not having any orange juice or coffee or tea or napkins. The breasts seemed to blush, which was cute. Then they started talking. He realized they had been perfectly silent up until this point. When the chatter started the man could hardly understand a word. It was a language unto themselves. He started wondering why he had invited these breasts for breakfast anyway. He didn’t even know what day it was. He decided to fix himself a real drink and relax a bit. Besides, the eggs tasted like the armpits of an old sweater. When he looked in the rum cupboard he was disappointed to find only empty bottles. The breasts were still carrying on with their nonsense, so he waved a bottle in their direction to ask did-you-have-anything-to-do-with-this? Sure enough they ignored him. Since he was so unsure about how he had ended up with these breasts in the first place, now he wondered how he would get rid of them. The man hesitated a little, then decided to get some fresh air. He walked to the liquor store and bought two bottles of cheap rum. When he returned the breasts were gone, which wasn't surprising. He closed the blinds and threw the rest of breakfast away, plate and all. The breasts had licked their plate clean, so he just left it there.