Not A Saving Grace

The gunshot rang loud and clear. It hit the man at my side straight in the face. He fell dead immediately and I followed him to the pavement, diving for safety. It was a blur of blood and screaming, but I couldn’t actually make out who was screaming. I glanced around carefully, knowing the murderer must still be very close. She stood against a tree dressed in a blue spandex suit and her skin was a rich white. She looked beautiful. “What on earth?” I yelled. Her accuracy astounded me. “That was the ghost of my ex-husband,” she said. “I had to finish him off for good.” “Why was he haunting you?” I asked, still clutching the sidewalk. “He found out I was sleeping with another man.” “I see,” I said thoughtfully, and glanced at his body laid out next to mine. He looked unbelievably real. “Why was he dead to begin with?” I asked. “Because my other lover poisoned him.” “Sounds complicated.” “Yes,” she sighed. We were quiet for a minute, maybe thinking the same thoughts. I wasn’t sure if her killing spree was over. “What are you going to do now?” I asked. “Maybe kill someone else,” she said. Just as I thought. “Listen, why don’t you hand the gun over to me? I mean going around shooting ex-lovers and their ghosts is no way to deal with your problems. Besides, you will probably be found out and end up in jail. Let me take your weapon and destroy all its fire. I am a peaceful man. Go home, talk to your new lover about pleasant things, and set some positive goals for your future.” I don’t know what I was saying, but I started to feel like the hero. She liked what I said and tossed the gun in my direction. I had never held a gun before. It felt like a powerful moment in my life. Then for no reason at all, I shot her.

With Pleasure

He folds his hands
while reading
the morning comics.

Call This Hope

The sky has lost its relative elasticity,
meaning it sags,
and they shoot off their guns
because they have them
handy.
I thought, Glue the leaves to
the pavement that is all cracks.
Then I remembered the tree,
linked to the backyard
linked to the orange house
that still can’t get used to
the family dog.
Meaning I threw the glue away.
And went to stand
in the right place and wait.
Yes, your letter did arrive
and it looked like the clock.

Lightning

One called into the darkness,
the other called
into the dark.
How they found each other
I can't be sure.

Wise Ears Ahead

Our solemn hopes
have divided the heart
into gumdrops.
Or miniature horses
escaping on the free waves
of the vast farmland.
Pick up the receiver
someone is calling.
Say nothing,
but listen with your good ear.
Don't worry that your shirt
is too tight.
I hear the weather
is nice.
Revise the facts
or learn
some new ones.

First

I fell asleep and dreamt I was climbing Mt. Taurus. It was hard work. When I woke up my arms and legs were still mounting a boulder in the air, but I was under the table. I was breathing hard and my vision was blurry. My date was very quiet. I realized it was hard for him to visualize what I was doing since my motions were probably jerky. I pulled myself together and sat back up in my chair. I tried to be more casual and politely asked him what he had been doing. He still looked at me nervously, almost with fear. “Finishing dinner,” he said. “Right,” I said coolly. “I must have dozed off. I was climbing Mt. Taurus,” I added, just to explain myself more. “Where’s that?” he asked, which meant he might still be interested in me. “I'm not sure,” I said. I really had no idea. Then he left the room. I figured it was over. I started to gather my things, which wasn’t much after all, when he came back with an atlas. He suggested we find the mysterious mountain together. And it turns out I was in Turkey, which was ironic because he had cooked a very dry chicken for dinner. Somehow looking at other countries was a passion we shared. We spent the rest of the date traveling around the world together. In fact we trekked across Peru for our second date, which seemed a bit serious to our friends, but I think it was rather fitting.

Shopkeeper and Customer # 26

Please don't bother me. I am very busy with important matters.
Well, I would like to buy these things.
No. Nothing is for sale.
But this is a shop, everything is for sale.
Not true.
But your things are so sweet. Can I at least buy this?
This? No. I might be willing to sell that, but nothing else.
That? That's so ugly. I might actually be allergic to that.
Tough.

Friendship

Depression likes to drink a lot.
I can't refuse him because he calls all the time.
No one else will go to the bar with him.
After a few drinks he can't stop
bragging about how funny and creative
he is. I never say a word.
I wait until he's unconscious,
then carry him home.

Think Positive

The caterpillar chewed his way
into the mind of a dead thing
and was surprised to find
a still, beating heart.

Here's What Was Happening While You Were Sleeping Or Passed Out Cold

1) soggy cornflakes
2) good-eye leaking
3) truth
4) pillaging
5) cat calls
6) fingers making amazing, yet peculiar movements
7) condensation
8) the nuclear war in everyone's mind
9) moths
10) one billion divorces
11) some genuine efforts
12)

Why didn't you wake me?
You looked so peaceful.

The Valley Of Souls

There I was without knowing it. I gave a look around, but couldn't see. My glasses were cold and useless in the knitted fog. Strange things could be happening all around me. I felt alone, although I was surrounded by the weight of others. Suddenly an echo, like a voice, began to recite some exciting poetry. I stood up and climbed to the top of a hill. A mountain woman passed on her bicycle and handed me a faded newspaper. The title article read Survivor in large print, which probably meant Perpetual Heartache Ahead. The second article was titled Perpetual Heartache Ahead, which made sense. The paper wasn't dated, but I guessed it was from the future. Now all I had to do was sit on a large, flat rock and wait.

The Apple Peeler

The day it rained
in large drops
we could photograph.
A cigarette
another one.
Trashcan on the banquet
dance floor.
Tall building like
smooth, white soap.
A woman walks away
wearing a shirt full
of cherry-red apples.
Close friends-
the girl and her baby
doll.
Ant
over the hill.
Natural-
the red flowers
with their backs to us.
The photograph cannot help
but change
constantly.
It will rain
again.
Starting at the core
requires
the right utensils.
One long
curve.
The caption of our eyes
below the skin.

Ever Wonder Why You Are Always Running Into People You Don't Want To See, But Never The Person You Want To See?

Or Why You Could Eat Tuna Fish Avocado Sandwiches For Every Meal For The Rest Of Your Life And Never Be Dissatisfied? Find The Answers Now And Increase Your Body Temperature By Seven Degrees.

Do you like things..
a) Fair and Soft?
b) Normal and Nice?
c) Abnormal and Shitty?

If you answered a+b+c, you have no real sense of yourself.
If you answered c, fine, you deserve it.
If you answered a or b, Congratulations! you get to take
the rest of the quiz. Please see the attachment below
and fill out the additional 3,006 questions.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Be creative.

I knew my answer right away.
The instructor was circling the room
looking hungry. Suddenly I was embarrassed
and drew a picture over my response.
When the instructor stopped at my table
she was sweating.
Interesting. Is that a sweet potato? she asked.
I really hope so, I said.

Please Turn On The Lights Or At Least Provide 100 Candles

No one can find their way in the dark.
Or any snacks or decent clothes.
Everyone is scrambling each other's limbs
and privates and there is a very strong odor
which is starting to frighten the children
and me. Please hurry.

To-Do This Or Suffer Severely

I only read sixty-seven books yesterday. The rest of the week I will force myself to stop drawing on my thighs with red and blue and orange permanent markers, I will skip all my french horn lessons, I will try to limit my cheese intact to three or seven blocks of aged colby per day, and stop obesessing over my fat feet. I will do this in order to accomplish my true goals. This is a promise to myself and my future.

Where We All Are Now and What We're Doing

A small child runs in
screaming
from the cold.
Then calms down.
Then hiccups.
Then makes sounds like
a tired engine.
Then like two automobiles
crashing at full speed.
And turns around
repeatedly.
Pukes on a woman's
pink ballerina shoe.
Curses loudly.
But sings.
Stands so still.
Then leaves.
Did he ever say hello?
We don't think so.

infatuation called

she wants
her pillow
back

why we call it heartache when we're puking

our memory
is unpredictable

Nothing is Free

I called a cab to take me home,
but it turns out I was already there.
When the cabbie arrived I paid
him with cream-filled cookies.
He let me sit in the front seat
while he ate them.

Recent Discovery

A man was handing out flies in the middle of the city. They were attached to leashes of human hair. Even in the cold the man was very popular. He had a way about him. And the flies were well behaved. They flew to their new owners willingly. A long line began to form. Mostly people were concerned he would run out of flies. But I was sure he had a sufficient amount. The woman in front of me received two at once. They were making love. "Isn't life beautiful," she said, staring at the man with tears in her eyes. He said nothing, but turned to me. My fly hung gently in the air between us. I reached for it carefully, knowing it was already dead. "Thank you," I said, "thank you so much." "Sure," he said.

Baggage Claim

A man was making breakfast for a set of breasts. He rarely cooks, especially when the sun is shining and is sure to give him a headache. He usually eats toast. But these were special breasts. They had stirred him from a deep sleep with a gentle song and he was pleased to have them hanging around while he cracked some eggs. He kept one eye on them and one on the stove. The breasts were full with hunger. The bright nipples were there too, resting on the kitchen table like little chins. When everything was ready he set the table and apologized about not having any orange juice or coffee or tea or napkins. The breasts seemed to blush, which was cute. Then they started talking. He realized they had been perfectly silent up until this point. When the chatter started the man could hardly understand a word. It was a language unto themselves. He started wondering why he had invited these breasts for breakfast anyway. He didn’t even know what day it was. He decided to fix himself a real drink and relax a bit. Besides, the eggs tasted like the armpits of an old sweater. When he looked in the rum cupboard he was disappointed to find only empty bottles. The breasts were still carrying on with their nonsense, so he waved a bottle in their direction to ask did-you-have-anything-to-do-with-this? Sure enough they ignored him. Since he was so unsure about how he had ended up with these breasts in the first place, now he wondered how he would get rid of them. The man hesitated a little, then decided to get some fresh air. He walked to the liquor store and bought two bottles of cheap rum. When he returned the breasts were gone, which wasn't surprising. He closed the blinds and threw the rest of breakfast away, plate and all. The breasts had licked their plate clean, so he just left it there.

Old Man Thinking During The Holidays In Front Of A Glaring TV Set

But the countryside is dark.
Everyone must be at Oscar's house.
Oscar has the biggest house
for miles. I slow down near Joan's mailbox
and hope she's still home.
The kitchen windows glow.
She's probably at the stove
stirring apple cider
with cinnamon sticks.
Joan makes the best apple cider.
I go in the door without knocking.
We'll make love on the living room rug,
then head over to Oscar's house
and eat some pecan pie
with everyone else.

Don’t Ever Give Me Your Number Again

I went to the doctor and told him I was feeling like crap and a little feverish. He started putting blue check marks all over his pad of paper. I took off my clothes and he looked in my ears. Thick, black hair was growing rapidly on my shoulders and back and belly. I also pinpointed the rash and swelling around my neck. Give me your tongue, he said. I can’t, I said. I have an STD, he said, and now my wife wants to leave me. Certainly she will, he said. Is that a good thing? I asked. No. How did it happen? By having unprotected sex with an infected woman who wasn't my wife several times in one night. I'm sorry doctor, but does this have anything to do with me? No. Do you know what's wrong with me? Not sure. Do I have an STD? You might. So would it explain the itching behind my ears and why I vomit in public places? Not sure. What about the peeling on my big toe, and my completely sour attitude towards everyone and everything all the time, my obsession with firm grapes, the burning sensations in my intestines, the color yellow, and also why I cry almost constantly? It might.

Basically

He invited me to his apartment. Told me he wanted to introduce me to someone. The kitchen smelled foul from something foul. On the living room wall was a painting of a giant uterus. Otherwise, the room was quite bare. "I'm surprised you paint," I said. "Only when I'm inspired," he answered. "Meet my mother's uterus. Call her Jackie." "Who? You're mother or her uterus?" "Both," he said. "Now go ahead and climb inside." "Excuse me?" "I mean walk over there and stand. I'll take your picture." I felt like I should and shouldn't, but I did. I stood between the pink, narrow folds he had lined with lace. He picked up a sheet of syran wrap from the floor and twisted it around my shoulders like a shawl. "Steady," he said, and made a few adjustments on his camera. He stared through the lens for a long time. I didn't know what he wanted me to do next, so I just continued like I was.

Our Relationship Like These Blue Jeans

Our favorite pair.
That fit tight.
We wear them
almost constantly.
But then we're always
taking them off.
Especially at night.

Where I'm Going

To the bus station to meet a friend.
Is she arriving on a bus?
No.
Does she live close to the bus station?
Yes.
Shouldn't you meet her at her house?
No.
Did you sleep with her roommate and now he is sleeping with another girl
and doesn't want anything to do with you ever?
Yes.
Did you tell him he reminded you of your cat?
Perhaps.
Will her roommate be home?
He might be.

I Might Have Mentioned This Already

I'm stuck in a romance between toast for breakfast and toast for dinner.

I was late for class again. When I arrived I rushed to a seat and started taking notes like everyone else. Soon I realized the course
was a study of my ex-boyfriend and his life. It took me by surprise. I recognized the teacher's voice and sure enough it was his
best friend. He was wearing his winter jacket and scarf like being in front of students chilled him. I started feeling warm and nauseous. I wanted to leave, but also ask a question. Probably everyone expected me to. I raised my arm. What did he eat for dinner last night? Steak. Did he prepare it himself? No.

*

you know
the triangle of skin
between each finger.
it's sensitive.